Happy Caro

I haven't really figured out how to put into words the emptiness that arrived when Paul departed.  I haven't really stopped looking for him coming across the yard for dinner, I still look for his car when I pull up to the office, I still look to see if his lights are on when we pull into the neighborhood, I still make my class do the poses he liked best at yoga.  I haven't been back to boot camp at the gym or restarted the morning routine that we had planed for after he finished the half-marathon (though I am making myself go to morning gym class again starting next week), and I've deleted most of the dvr...it seems cruel that our regularly scheduled 'reality' programs are continuing without their funniest fan.   

In short, I miss my best friend.  There is a lump in my throat even as I type those words, maybe more words and stories will come later.  For now though, I'll be wearing his beer hat, and it's going to be an awesome cocktail hour as I toast to another year. Lorelai starts school this fall, I've already booked her amazing fifth birthday, I have a job I'm proud of, a home I'm cozy in, a fantastic family that loves me, and amazingly charismatic beautiful friends... cheers to 31.

Here is a picture of Paul on his 31st birthday... in his beer hat.  And, also a clip of him singing Happy Birthday to me last year, the title of the song as he saved it is simply "Happy Caro". 

Oh, and also here is a picture of Lorelai's first gold fish.  When the fish died, and Lorelai had fallen asleep, Paul hacked that little fish in half, filled two glasses of vodka and tossed each end of Nemo in a different glass, snapped the above picture, and then he shot his like a champ and handed me mine... when I hesitated, he said "if we are really best friends, you'll take the shot" and with that I drank my daughters first pet.  We'll be serving "THE BEST FRIEND SHOT" at my party tomorrow, vodka and a sweedish fish... because lets be honest, only the crazies drink dead goldfish anyway and it's no fun to be crazy alone.